My Life as an Introvert
For most of my life I have felt a certain anxiety. As a kid, it was often prompted while I was away from home. School and sleepovers generally brought out a sense of nausea and I was told that I probably just got homesick a lot. Sure I loved my mom but I felt it as a freshman in college. I was READY to be on my own. I feel it now as an adult. It’s usually brought on when I’m travelling to visit friends and family (never when I’m traveling alone with Adam) and lately it’s been happening in my own house. That’s when I got confused. How I can I feel “homesick” when I’m in my own house with Adam and Desh?
And that’s when I started making the connection. The anxiety is brought on when I know or anticipate that I will not be getting any (or much) alone time. It was the most amazing breakthrough.
- School for 8 hours as a kid? No alone time. (Unless I hide in the bathroom.)
- Attending a sleepover? No alone time. (Unless I hide in the bathroom.)
- Visiting a big group of friends? No alone time. (Unless I hide in the bathroom.)
- Hosting visitors in our own home? No alone time. (Unless I hide in the bathroom.)
Okay the bathroom thing was kind of a joke (or not). I have been known to sit in a bathroom stall for 5 minutes to regain a little strength. I’m an introvert and being around people is draining. Not because the people I surround myself with are annoying, exhausting or loud. It’s just not how I get energized. I get energized by being alone. Silent. No talking. Doing what I want.
It’s really hard to admit. It feels selfish, rude and arrogant. It’s even hard for me to realize just how much of an introvert I am. Before spending large amounts of constant time with people – I feel tired or overwhelmed just at the thought. But once I’m with them? I’m usually really flexible, pleasant and hospitable. I’m not a hermit or mute – just an introvert.
So what are some ways that I protect that alone time?
- I try to go to bed earlier than I normally would. I’m a night owl and can stay up until 4am daily but usually only on days where I’m alone or working. If I’m traveling or have company – I’d rather go to sleep at 10pm.
- I try to run errands by myself, write emails or listen to music on my earbuds throughout the day to put space between me and other people. It probably won’t last more than an hour but it feels like sacred time.
- I trust and rely on Adam more than I realize. He’s my buffer, he understands me and I honestly never feel exhausted by his presence.
- I’m really intentional with my time. I schedule meetings towards the end of the work day (I need the morning/afternoon to be productive since meetings tend to pull energy out quickly).
At the end of the day, I just need to be more comfortable with admitting all of this to people when necessary. I have a fear of offending people and I never want them to think it’s their fault. Just like extraverts need special care – people like me do too!
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Comments (97)
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I’m glad it encouraged you in that way, Audrey! I definitely think it’s important to try to understand your opposites. Thanks for reading :)
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Such a brave post and I’m so glad you shared it. I consider myself an introvert but not quite the same way, as I still draw energy from being around others. However, as I read this I thought of a few people in my life that are similar to you. People that I’ve never really been able to understand. Thank you for opening my eyes this morning.
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I love hearing this Courtney! I am also learning that there are varying types of introverts (probably can’t even be categorized). I’m glad it helped.
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Hear, hear. I think that because I come across as very friendly and open, people assume that I’m an extrovert. I do believe that the majority of people have characteristics of both, but I definitely identify myself as an introvert since I need a lot of alone time. Growing up as an only child probably has influenced that.
As you know, I’ve been spending a lot of time at home the last month/month and a half or so. After the holidays I felt depleted from having to be “on” constantly – even with family, who can ask a zillion questions and stress the hell out of me. I’ve also been making intentional choices with my time, money, and energy to prioritize health and wellness, since that’s kind of the cup from which everything else flows (healthy relationships, productive working life, etc.) for me.
I also think that once you get to a point where your friendships are really comfortable, there’s not that anxiety. I often feel anxious if I’m seeing casual friends because it feels like I have to be very attuned to making sure there’s a good flow for conversation (but not too much). But with friends who are near and dear to me, it’s so easy and comfortable that it doesn’t feel like work. Cody and I have this joke that when we’re with each other, we feel alone (dates back to sophomore year, and other people were offended FOR us when I accidentally said that). But it’s true, and to me that is one of the greatest gifts of friendship.
I’m so excited to travel to New York with you, Adam, and Heather this week! I’m not sure if you were referring loosely to that in this post, but if you are – I understand. I feel a little bit the same way; I’m so used to either going to New York with Zach (who always feels like home) or by myself, and I do feel like I won’t have much alone time. That’s why I might be striking out on my own to wander around a bit, or I might curl up on a chair with Game of Thrones.
Anyway, enough with this GIANT ESSAY. I should probably shower and go to the office now. ;)
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I love this, Jess! I’ve been your friend for 3 years now and we’ve never really talked about it. Probably because when we see eachother it’s just for short bursts. I am very excited for NYC (especially now that you and Heather have read this post HA).
I also have relationships like you/Cody. My relationships with Adam, Jen (from college) and my brother/sister are like that for me. The only people where I feel okay to be silent, loud, weird. It’s wonderful.
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Yes! I love this! I feel like everyone is an extrovert and so we introverts are always seen as rude or anti-social. I always thought I was an uncontrollable snob (probably since I had been told I was a snob) because I never liked hanging out with people as much as I liked being alone but I realized I’m just an introvert and it’s a great thing! I’ve done more reading on it and it has seriously opened my eyes about the things I always thought were negatives about me! I just wish the world were more aware and wouldn’t think we introverts are rude.
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I definitely feel snobby sometimes. Or just like a baby if I don’t want to do something socially. I definitely want to read more books about all of this in 2013. Let’s start making the world more aware!
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It was only as I read this that I realized that the last time I hid in the bathroom was only three days ago… we had family in town.
This maneuver, and so many of the others you and Jess describe are so familiar to me I’ve done them without even realizing it. (I often get up before others on vacation just to explore by myself.) Thanks for pulling this to the forefront for me.-
The bathroom! Such a safe place :) It’s almost comical but no one bothers you in the bathroom! I’m glad the post could help bring some of this to your attention (and many others). It makes me feel better that I’m not alone!
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Liz
I started figuring out the very same thing about myself after graduating from Taylor. I spent a lot of my time there punishing myself for not wanting to be around people, convinced that it was because I was in a bad mood and I just needed to “suck it up.” But when I look back, I remember how much of a relief it would be when my roommate was gone for the weekend or I had the house to myself for an hour — it all makes sense now. :) I’m learning to be upfront and honest with my friends about needing alone time. I live alone but I’m still with people all day at work so I have to make sure I find that space to recharge.
Thanks for being so open about this — I love being reminded that I’m not the only one who feels this way. :)
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Interestingly enough – I discovered it after Taylor too. And I think I oddly handled being an introvert well during college. I lived with 7 girls off campus and often stayed up until 4-5am (and slept in really late) to get that alone time. A lot of people wake UP early to be alone but all my roommates were up early so I had to find that time somewhere else.
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Girrrl. I hear ya. You are not alone. Join us: http://www.wittytitlehere.com/2012/12/introverts-unite/
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I love so much that you know the difference between simply being shy and actually being an introvert! I got my undergrad degree in Psych and did a lot of research on Innie’s + Extro’s, and I’m still fascinated by it. I’m not an Innie, but my husband, sister, and best friend all are and it’s really helped me to understand their behaviors by understanding what makes us different, but also what makes us the same. So often people use “introvert” + “shy” interchangeably and it drives me a little crazy ;) I’m very shy, but definitely extroverted. Really loved this post!! I think it’s so brave of you to put it out there :) xoxo, eliza
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I can’t wait to start learning more about this! Yes shy and introvert are NOT the same. I am not shy. I can be quite bold and when I’m angry…I’m LOUD haha. Thanks for the comment, Eliza!
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While I do get energized from being around people (especially friends and family), I am happiest at home with my kids, my books, and my games. I usually plan one LARGE activity each month, and by the time it rolls around I am READY to be out and social. Not to say we don’t leave the house, we go grocery shopping, clothes shopping, story time at the library and my older one is in preschool 3 mornings per week, but that one BIG activity sustains us all. :)
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That’s a great way to go about it! I can definitely overbook myself and then I need a month to recoup!
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What a great post! Being alone is the way I recharge as well and I think my need to do so is increasing over time. I’m currently reading Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. It’s so interesting to learn about how our society undervalues introverts and some of the surprising differences between extroverts and introverts.
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i can’t even tell you how much i identify with this post, allie.
the “homesick” feeling is huge. even when i want to be around people, i’m feeling anxious because i’m unsure of the next time i’m going to be able to be alone. the guilt and selfishness are feelings i struggle with all the time.
this is a very brave post, lady! proud of you for putting all this out there and hoping this reaches lots of people.
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It’s quite an unnerving feeling, isn’t it? I hate it to be honest it. I hate that I feel nauseous about that stuff and sometimes I just want to give up and cry. But deep breaths, a prayer and a good night of sleep usually helps :)
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Thanks for sharing this, Allie! I am definitely not an introvert, but my husband is and this was another great reminder of how to love him well. I may be recharged by being around groups of people and in busy circumstances, but he does not and to show my love for him, I need to make more sacrifices in this area. There is always a balance, but I’m glad you reminded me that my way is not the only way.
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I’m glad I could help!! It’s so key to remember how different we can all be. Adam definitely sacrifies as my husband. He’d love to be out with people every night and sometimes that’s great for me (to be alone) but I also need to be with him so he stays home probably more than he’d want.
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Oh my goodness, so many things you mentioned in this post, spoke to me. I am totally an introvert – and exactly the same way. I easily stay up soo late when I’m by myself but with others, I’m the first to sleep. Also, I take the metro to work everyday and loveee the alone time I get with my ipod/music – but I almost cringe when I see someone I know, because then I’ll have talk to them. Glad to hear I’m not alone…in liking to be alone! hah I love people, but girl needs her space!
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It’s it crazy with the bedtime thing? (Bedtime…we are kids again haha). I am flying a lot the next 4 weeks and I can’t wait to sit on a plane and just watch movies/listen to music!
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This is so brave of you and I love it. This is me exactly, I’ve had all these same feelings especially since being in school. Having my alone time is essential and so precious!
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Aw thanks for commenting Margaret. Isn’t it funny that you can’t really label someone an introvert (because we both aren’t super shy). I hope you get lots of needed alone time this semester! I know it’s hard to come by in college!
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Totally just had an aha! moment.
Being introverted has always been one of my least favorite qualities about myself – I’m hyper-aware of it and and really try to fight against it by pushing myself to socialize outside of my comfort zone. So when I feel myself getting uncomfortable or like I “need a break” from groups of people (definitely guilty of the bathroom trick on many occasions), I tend to beat myself up for being rude or awkward. I’ve definitely never thought about it as just needing a moment to re-energize and regroup, but that’s exactly what it is. Thank you for sharing your brilliant realization with us!
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It’s one of my least favorite qualities about myself too! I hate that I hate it. Haha I wonder if either of us hid in the bathroom at the cabin in Hocking. Probably not – I actually felt very comfortable there.
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Thanks for sharing, I can definitely relate! Have you read “Quiet: The Power Of Introverts In A World That Can’t Stop Talking” by Susan Cain? She calls attention to a lot of the same things you’ve stated. She also speaks a lot about how the world has become more extrovert friendly and how many introverts are made to feel weird or antisocial as a result.
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I haven’t but someone else suggested it too so I’m going to get it on my Kindle! Thank you so much for suggesting!
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Bryan
This is a great piece Allie. I think over the years that I have done my best to make myself more of an extrovert, but definitely still need my introvert time. Living by myself I somewhat take for granted that I really can just shut off from the world if I want to. Striking a balance has been the key for me. I think my biggest problem has been trying to make people I am friends with realize that when I don’t want to go out and be social that its merely myself needing to recharge, as opposed to not wanting to see them. Its not something everyone understands at first.
Thanks for sharing and encouraging all this discussion. Some great comments above.
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I’m glad you enjoyed the post, Bryan! I definitely am much more social because of Adam but he’s so great about letting me take time for myself too. A balance is something I’d like to work toward.
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This is SO ME!!! I felt a lot of shame about being introverted in the past, but not anymore! It feels so good to admit that I re-charge best when I’m alone. Such a valuable thing to learn. I’m so happy you shared this because it just means someone else gets me! ^^
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That’s so great, Whit! I love that you can feel good by admitting who you are! Isn’t it nice to really identify that?
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It’s so interesting the number of bloggers, myself included, that are introverts full of anxiety. I guess we all found the best way to feel connected with others while being alone at the same time.
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I can totally relate to your boyfriend being a buffer between you and the outside world, because my relationship with my own partner functions the same. Although I do seem an extrovert to most people, deep down I’m a very anxious introvert with little to no interest in socializing like crazy. I have very few friends, but the ones I have are loyal.
I feel your pain, or rather, I understand the immense freedom of being, more often than not, detached from the crowds and the hassle and the noise.A lovely piece. Thanks for sharing.
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Than you so much for that Marie-Anne! It is painful at times but also freeing because it is who I am. It’s one of the few things that I don’t think can just be “switched off.”
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This is exactly how I am and I came to terms with that a couple of years ago. People exhaust me. I definitely need time to recover after being around people, especially if it’s something like a long weekend. I need to hole up, sleep-in, and just be for a couple of days.
Meetings drain me as well. Especially all the prep work just to get ready for the meeting, then leaving to get there, coming home…etc. So I try to plan meetings that are not around meal times or towards the later end of the day. Some are unavoidable and I’m pretty much wiped out by the end of those.
Scott never exhausts me though. He’s not someone that I need to get away from or need alone time from. I honestly don’t get that about some couples. I understand having your own hobbies and activities but saying things like, “I need to get away from my husband for a bit before we drive each other crazy.” Um, what?
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I can relate! I once attended/spoke at a conference for a weekend and I swear I was mute/in a daze for the three days following…
And I can totally relate about Scott not exhausting you. I am never tired of Adam and agree – can’t imagine ever wanting time away from him!
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This is really great Allie, thanks for sharing! I’ve been an introvert, and I’ve always been really shy (like really, really shy growing up). I’ve come out of my shell a lot in the past few years, but I still need time to myself every day. I completely understand why you would say you need to hide in the bathroom (I’ve done it). So don’t feel guilty or selfish about it. We’re all different, and we have to nurture ourselves if we want to be productive and flourish :) xoxo
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Nice post Allie. I think people typically don’t understand what being an introvert is. It doesn’t mean you are anti-social or can’t lead or motivate. It is a different way of processing. Typically when I am meeting people or speaking I have to ratchet up my energy. It becomes very much like acting. It takes work and work takes energy. As an introvert you need to really understand yourself and how you need to recharge.
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Candis
I wonder, is it possible to be both? Or be somewhere in the middle? I feel like I just need a good balance of people time and alone time and draw energy from both ( depending in the people of course haha) Glad that you have figured this out about yourself! It’s so good to know yourself more so you can get what you need and thrive!
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I think it’s possible! I’m definitely not 100% introverted (at least I don’t think so). I am energized by a handful of people but definitely not everyone. DEFINITELY NOT. haha
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I cannot even tell you how familiar this sounds. I work at an “open space” corporate office and I choose to get to work almost an hour early to get settled and started in the quiet before it gets loud and hectic. Somehow I still end up in the bathroom for 5-10 minute breaks once or twice a day to just feel normal again. I figure smokers get at least that much, so should I.
My work team did an exercise with MBTI about profiling yourself and comparing it to your team to help you work more efficiently and better understand how people get things done. I was one of 5 introverts on the team. Needless to say that in a small team, at least 50% of them are Marketing which makes a ton of sense if you think about it. Anyway, that day I really understood why I like to be alone so much and that it doesn’t mean I’m a loner, although I can be, it just means that social activities drain me and burn me out a lot faster than extroverts who thrive on it.
Glad I’m not the only one and I hope you know you aren’t either!
xoxohannah
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Yes! I always went into my old job really late so I could stay later after everyone else left. So funny how we find loopholes. We definitely aren’t the only ones!!!
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Allie I am so glad that you posted this! I have always been an introvert, but when I was younger I just attributed it to being shy. As an adult, I am no longer shy and I’m actually pretty outgoing. However, I often find myself wondering what the heck my problem is when I feel exhausted interacting with people when I’m not ready to. I have been feeling extremely selfish because I feel as though I only want to interact when it’s on my own terms and when I’m ready. I know I love having my alone time more than most of my friends, and I live for the days when I get the house to myself, and it makes me feel so guilty! Until you posted this (and when you recently tweeted the image about being an introvert) I didn’t realize that it’s not just me that feels this way. I had never even considered putting a label on what I was feeling, and I can’t thank you enough for showing me that I’m not alone. This post has given me a great sense of relief from the guilt and selfishness I’ve been feeling, and I’m so happy to know that it’s ok to be this way! Thank You!
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I can totally relate, Amy. I am also pretty outgoing (especially after starting my own business) but gosh do I get exhausted. I’m really glad this post helped! To be completely honest, I just wanted to know that I wasn’t alone. AND WE’RE NOT! :)
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Thank you for writing this down Allie! I’ve know that I’m an introvert for a while now and it helps me so much to understand that I need to organize my alone/quiet time in order to regain my energy. It was however not until I read your post that I realized that when I was a child that I was always told that I was probably homesick (or shy) if I didn’t want to go to school or a party. I now realize that, just like you, I just knew that I wouldn’t be getting any time to be alone and was anxious about that. So thank you for that insight! I’m currently reading ‘Quiet’ by Susan Cain, do you know the book?
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Isn’t it interesting that we both were considered kids that were “homesick?” I want to find all the kids in the world and talk to them about how they might just be an introvert! And I’m excited to read Quiet – I’ve heard great things!
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I can totally relate. There is something exhausting about being surrounded people and having to be “on” all the time. That alone time is necessary to recharge and be selfish (which isn’t always a bad thing). Balance is key. If I’m alone too much, it’s lonely. When I’m always around people I’m frazzled. Somewhere in the middle is my goal.
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I am so much the same, so thank you for posting this! I can get exhausted thinking about social interactions with others — unless it’s my husband. I have to constantly push myself to be surrounded by family & friends because I still love ’em! : )
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This is really interesting for me, since as of late, I have been reading more and more about introverts. I always felt I was one, my Myers-Brigg says I am one, all indicates that I am one… except that I crave social interactions, I go insane if I don’t have someone to talk to at work. So I wonder if I’m really an introvert, or just an extrovert who is shy. I don’t crave alone time, but it just seems like I get it anyway. If I’m alone, I’ll usually be online, so I can have the company of my twitter friends and IM.
Either way, I just bought a book off Amazon, The Introvert’s Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World, and I’ll let you know how I relate to it. :)
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Very, very interesting! Please let me know what you figure out because I’d love to know :) And I will be taking a look at that book too!
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I use to never be able to imagine what it would be like to be an introvert. When Ryan and I would go on vacation I would say, “you know what would be fun? more people!” But since becoming ill I get overwhelmed physically that manifests itself in a lot of psychological ways. I LOVE people, but the idea of being around them now is exhausting. Learning this new mind frame has been hard, but it’s also connected a lot of dots to understand my introverted friends.
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That’s how I was before I went gluten-free. I knew that I would feel sick when eating out and I would feel sick before I even ate. Awful. Now that I know to avoid gluten, it’s a lot better. Thank you for sharing, Chrissy!
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Emily O
Seriously. I definitely relate. Sometimes I feel strange taking a few moments longer in the restroom at work, or shutting the door to my bedroom in the evenings (I love my roommates!) … but I simply recharge with alone time. I’m getting ready to spend 8 months abroad come fall, and sharing a dorm room with 6-10 girls… I have a feeling I’m going to cherish my “me” time even more.
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You will DEFINITELY cherish your time abroad. But it’s so good that you know this about yourself!
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Oh my gosh. That feeling of being homesick is something I’ve always experienced since I was a little girl. I never knew what exactly it was until I read your post this morning. I took the day to think about what you said and you’re absolutely right. It really does come from a place of anxiety and longing for solitude. It all makes sense! For me, it’s quite often misconstrued as being standoffish and even rude. I don’t mean to be but the constant stimuli involved in interacting with people is, as you say, exhausting. Mentally. Physically. Sometimes emotionally. But as I talk about this more and more with other people, I’ve noticed that it is surprisingly common to be an introvert, which gives me some comfort that I’m not crazy or weird.
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I love that I’m not alone in this! Even the idea of being in NYC this week (big, busy city) is overwhelming and I’m not even there yet. If I was going to the beach – different story.
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Oh I am such an introvert!! I was just thinking today on my drive home from work how I would love to go live in a cabin the the middle of nowhere for a year with just the fiancé and my puppies (and my paints and lots of books) and I would love it! I am definitely not a fan of working in a big office surrounded by a ton of people, since on my time off all I want to do is be alone!
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Ali, This comes at the perfect time. Just about 5 minutes ago my husband and I got into a big fight. He was soo mad at me that I am home tonight and not at my class where I normally am. I am sick, and couldn’t attend class tonight. Tuesday nights are the only time he gets to be alone by himself in our house. And I understand he needs that time. I understand how introverted he is, and I try to respect that about him. The only thing I don’t understand is how annoyed he can get when things like this are out of my control!
Anyways your post is great- it helps me better understand him and how he functions. Helping me anticipate the things that he needs!
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I am so glad it helped you understand him a bit better!! It’s so hard to know how to care best for the other (even when we’re irrational!)
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I can definitely relate to this. I love people, and being around them… but there’s just this limit I hit, and when I’m past it… Things don’t really turn out so well. I become grumpy and irritable, and spend all of my time hiding and sleeping.
I have a huge issue with needing quiet as well… My partner is also an introvert, but his leisure activities tend to involve things that make noise. He’ll watch TV or play video games or listen to music for hours on his own, meanwhile I’m ready to throw something because I can’t concentrate enough to read and write.
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Instead of grumpy/irritable – I get sick to my stomach and dizzy. Lovely, huh?
I definitely don’t need quiet (I can have music/tv playing) but it’s good that you know the type of alone time that you need!!
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wow, yes. i relate completely. for example: when i worked retail, i’d have to stand in an empty fitting room or in the back about once an hour to recharge. it was the most exhausting job ever!
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I totally relate!! I worked retail too and always offered to stock things in the back room!!
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This is so familiar to me. I have a lot of anxiety about different issues – but this is definitely one of my triggers. I have a husband and a good group of friends that I love being around and I rarely feel this way in their presence. But say I am out alone in a crowded public place or I am having a meeting with people I don’t know well or feel like I need to impress – and I’m ready to go hide in the bathroom. Having jobs in retail and the food industry were painfully exhausting, but they forced me outside of my comfort zone. I’ll always be grateful for those experiences! I’ve noticed myself slowly going backward now that I’m not forced to deal with it every day.
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It’s definitely good to grow and get pushed out of your comfort zone. I have done it many times and think it’s helped (although I hated it at the time). Kind of like practice makes perfect, right?
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Love this post Allie! I can definitely relate. Awesome that you were able to see this realization over time! It’s better that we all just do what’s best for ourselves so that we can better give to the world, right? xo
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I used to get weirded out by big parties. I only went to one that I can remember, and I know I felt most uncomfortable. I was a freshman in high school and got invited to a party where I was friends with no one and a mere acquaintance with some. It was awkward to say the least. I ended up calling my mom about an hour or so into it to please come pick me up.
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I can relate to that story :) I avoid big parties and events. If I have to go, I find one person and probably annoy them because I won’t leave them alone.
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Kate
This is a really great post. I can relate to so much of it. I found that being introvert and being a parent is ridiculously difficult. Kids need so much and can’t understand the concept of space or alone time or quiet for just a few moments. Because the bathroom is not even a safe space for alone time, I feel like I am on the verge of a complete breakdown way too often – and if I can remember to ask for (and make happen) some serious alone time, I am a better person. It doesn’t make it any easier to try to explain to my husband why I am checking into a local hotel alone – but you know.
I think the social media world is full of introverts. Really awesome introverts.
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That’s one of my fears of having kiddos! I have a feeling checking into a local hotel is the best!! And totally agree re: introverts on the internets!
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Cam
It’s just as hard being a kid with an extroverted parent. My mom doesn’t understand that I need alone time or can’t do big parties. She always wants to know what’s “Wrong with me. You’re content sitting alone in your room and you never call your friends first.” She also doesn’t get that love my friends and being with them, but I usually need a day off after spending time with them. If I don’t go to some function with her, she holds it over my head. I think she understands that I prefer alone time, but she seems to think that I don’t like people when I do. I am at a loss what to do.
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I totally agree with Kate – children don’t let you have that quiet time, let alone sleep. They’re rough on us introverts! The good news is that my kid is finally starting to understand when I say I need time alone and she’s becoming one of the ‘non-exhausting’ folks.
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I’m glad you’re finally getting to the point where you can tell her that you need alone time. I wonder what my life would have been like if adults had talked to me about introverts…
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Have you read the book, “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking?” (I didn’t read all of the comments before mine, so maybe you’ve read it or someone else suggested it already. It is fabulous. It really brings up the point that because “charismatic” is so valued in our society, true introverts often get socialized into behaving more like their naturally more extroverted peers. It can be exhausting. Totally related to this post! Thanks for sharing.
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my relationship with ember is challenging for both of us. she is wild and whimsical and spirited and open around people…while i feel that way when no one is talking to me or looking at me or breathing near me. lol. thankfully, she is also very intelligent and i can have a conversation with her, at 4 years old, about how there are different types of people – and she grasps the concept very well. <3
she strikes a lot of people's hearts – which i am happy to see…but, that said, there were 65 people at her birthday party last year. (i invited everyone ember loved thinking most people would bail since her birthday falls on a holiday weekend)…and THEY ALL SHOWED UP.
i spent about 50% of the time hiding in my bathroom or my bedroom closet. lol.
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I love that you’re able to talk to her about it. I can’t imagine having a kiddo that’s so outgoing. I was so shy has a toddler whereas my sister would try to go home with strangers if given the opportunity ha!
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Pingback: Weekly Wrap Up #23 | The Barn
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I had never really thought about this until reading your post. Growing up I was more of an extrovert, but it seems the older I get the more introverted I become. So since this is somewhat new to me, I had no clue how to adjust.
I’m not quite on your level yet, but I do find that I would prefer to be in the comfort of my home with only a very small group of people than out with friends (even if it’s at another friend’s home). One-on-one with my mister or one close friend isn’t bad, but the more that gather make me feel out of my comfort zone.
And the bathroom thing isn’t a joke for me. I find myself taking more bathroom breaks at my zombie job on the more challenging days, just to be alone & take deep breaths to recenter/regain some energy.
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The bathroom is a safe place! Ha! I’m glad you could relate to the post even if we’re all different. It’s good to just be aware of it all. Thanks for the comment :)
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This post resonated with me in an eye-opening way. You really did make an amazing breakthrough!
I always attributed my aversion to social gatherings as social anxiety, a sacred value of my time, even going so far as judging the company I keep. It really helps to hear another introvert say it out loud, and I completely accept and respect that about you, and myself!
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J
Like a previous commenter (is that even a word?), I was much more extroverted as a child than I am as an adult. It was a very strange adjustment for me, and one that I am still trying to understand. Having considered myself an extrovert for the majority of my 28 years, I have a difficult time transitioning to a place where I not only identify as an introvert, but am purposeful about making sure that I take care of my introvert self. It’s been difficult, and I have had some friendships that have struggled because of my need to spend less time with others and more just with myself, but I’m happier and more at peace than I’ve ever been. Thank you for putting words to something that seems on the surface like it should be so simple, but in actuality is far more complicated than many people understand.
Audrey
I’m glad you don’t apologize for being an introvert. I’m a total extrovert, but I get it and I’m glad you’ve found some things that work for you! I live alone now and this post has encouraged me to find ways to nurture the extrovert in me a little more.