This Is Who I Am

Hi everyone! I’m Sonya. I live in Providence, RI with my fiancé, my two awesome daughters, two orange cats and two little birds. We’re going for a Noah’s Ark theme over here. I wanted to start things off on a more personal note but stay tuned for my monthly feature, Disposable Diaries starting at the end of the month. I am SO excited Allie asked me on to become a guest blogger at Show and Tell and am just thrilled to be here!

The other day, I was sick of waiting for the extra money to come around in our budget so I could get a haircut (priorities, people!) I’ve been staring at pictures of haircuts with short bangs for months – waiting for a time that bravery and extra money would intersect – but it just never seemed to happen. So I did it. My patience got the best of me and I grabbed my daughter’s craft scissors (I probably wouldn’t recommend that part) and went to town. Afterwards, I just stared at myself in shock. It was not what I was expecting and was way shorter than I had intended to go. Big whoops. But instead of crying, I laughed. Every time I passed a mirror, I laughed again. It was just so silly and impulsive of me and my bangs were just…gone. On Facebook an older friend wrote, “I see headbands in your future,” but I thought to myself, no way. I’m owning this. I AM the girl that lops off her hair on impulse. This is who I am.

“The funny thing is, most of the choices I’ve decided to do on a whim are actually some of my favorite things about myself.”

And that rings true for a lot of different parts of my personality. I’m a worrier by nature so I often find myself agonizing over every decision. Sometimes it gets to the point that it wakes me several times a night. This is not healthy and I decided that something about my attitude towards myself and my decisions needs to change. The funny thing is, most of the choices I’ve decided to do on a whim are actually some of my favorite things about myself. They are the things that when I tell people, I surprise them. Like, did you know I was in the Navy for four years? Silly, right? I’m so not Navy material. I didn’t have to think that hard about my tattoos either. I wanted them; I got them. The same with being a young mom. I had my girls at 20 and 22, and now that 27 is looking at me from around the corner – I still wouldn’t change a thing.

The thing about being a worrier is that you always feel the need to apologize on behalf of yourself. Or that someone is privately (or vocally, yikes!) judging the decisions you’ve made or the person you are. But I’m tired of feeling like I need to make excuses for myself and I’ve made the decision to stop. There are only a few in this world that I should be considering when I make big choices, and those are my daughters and my fiancé. And those little decisions – well they won’t change their opinion of me because of my bangs. My girls didn’t even notice! Everyone else, can just deal.

This is who I am, I like who I am and I’m owning it.

I hope that you do too.

June 8, 2012