Things I’m Afraid To Tell You
I was sincerely moved yesterday after stumbling across Creature Comforts’ post titled, “Things I’m Afraid To Tell You” (a post inspired by Jess Constable). I read her post followed by the many brave souls who really opened up and shared a lot. I decided that I wanted to follow their example and post my own today. Not because I love jumping on every bandwagon but the more I thought about it…I realized that I am no better than any one else and I truly long to be real with everyone I encounter. I spoke with Jess last night about this series of posts sweeping the blog world and we agree that it’s easy to blog about purses, travel and interior decor because then it’s harder to get hurt. Hurtful comments, judgmental assumptions and negative attitudes are too prevalent on the internet. My list of fears are a mix of serious & lightheartedness. Thanks for reading.
I’m a slob. Straight up. I don’t make my bed. I don’t like cleaning the bathroom unless I have to. I don’t even really like to shower (and avoid it if possible). Oh and I don’t have a dishwasher so…yeah.
I don’t miss people. That sounds so cold hearted but it’s true. In my adult life, I have only missed one person and that’s Adam (whenever I travel or am away from him). Everyone else? I do alright moving forward. This is a blessing and a curse. While I don’t have to deal with much heartache, I think I can slowly destroy friendships because of this.
I think Ryan Gosling is repulsive. It’s true. Simple as that.
I’m often afraid I’ll place work before the things that really matter to me. I have this thing where I know work isn’t my top priority but my actions tend to reflect otherwise. I’ve been having a difficult time lately trying to find balance and HATE the phrase, “This is temporary. It’ll be worth it in the end.” I could die tomorrow. Why would I want to “push through” an entire year of my life just for something that might happen.
I’m afraid I’ll work for myself full time next year and completely fail. The projects are coming in steadily now and my ultimate fear is that I’ll quit my day job and that will all stop.
My biggest fear is that I’ll be arrested and found guilty for a crime that I didn’t commit. Yeah, I’m weird. But that would SUCK.
So that’s me (a very small glimpse of me). What are you afraid to tell?
A Consideration
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Comments (39)
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kellylaine
i’m afraid that i will die and my friends and family won’t be able to recover. how self-absorbed and insane is that? like, i constantly want to say “if i die, don’t be sad!”
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Aw that’s sweet and self absorbed. Death, in general, can paralyze me for that reason and for fear of being left alone.
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I can identify with #2 a lot. I find it so easy to “let people go” or let friendships fade. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve been away from my family for so long (close to 13 years). They all live in England and so I’m used to not having people in my life. I always wonder about that and sometimes I feel I “move on” to my own loss. Does that even make sense?
So glad you did this Allison. I am so glad I did.
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I’m glad you did too. It really is encouraging when others are honest. It makes relationships feel more real.
I don’t know why I don’t miss people. I was constantly homesick as a kid and even until my college days. It all stopped once I got married and made a life here in Columbus. I also think it stems from a level of selfishness (for me personally).
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I have only have two people that I miss, Scott and a close friend of mine. That’s it. And Scott is tops. My friend I don’t see very often anyway due to circumstances, so I’m used to that. Everyone else? Eh, not really. I’m always afraid that makes me cold hearted as well but it is what it is. No one has the closeness and impact on my life that Scott does so therefore they dont’ really register.
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I can completely relate to your cold heart. Haha just kidding. I think I am this way because of a level of selfishness and I tend to be overly focused on what’s in front of me. Also, I’m a realist. I don’t think all friendships last forever and the distance really makes a difference.
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I’m afraid that I don’t have what it takes to ____________________________.
I am often randomly plagued by an overwhelming sense of “not being able to make it.”
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When I feel those fears coming on, I try to avoid things that will make me compare myself to others. But sometimes it’s inevitable.
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I deeply miss Cody (who you’ve heard too much about) and Anna (who I lived with when I’m abroad—even though we see and speak to each other infrequently). But I also have a tendency to lose friends or easily part ways. I have very few people I consider to be friends when it comes down to it (literally a handful).
Thanks for sharing, Allie! Sometimes it’s just nice to get it all out there.
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kellylaine
i think it’s ok to let go of friendships, or at least let them fade in and out. is that bad? i think it’s just a part of living and changing, and gives us an opportunity to get to know ourselves.
showers and cleaning < everything else.
re: fear abt work- i sincerely believe that you should let go of that one and trust the possibility. at risk of being cheesy- i followed this advice one year ago and it was the best decision i've ever made. anything that can go right, will!
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Thanks for your sweet words Kelly! I appreciate it. And I agree–not all friendships are meant to last forever.
And hurray for not prioritizing cleanliness!
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Jessica R
My most biggest fear is that I won’t ever take risks and that I will let life just happen around me.
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Thanks for sharing Jess. I oddly have this weird feeling internally where I wouldn’t care if I never took risks. So weird, I know.
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okay…copy and paste this whole post with these substitutions:
1. make “adam” into “drew and ember”
2. turn “i’ll be found guilty of a crime i didn’t commit” into “i’ll open the freezer door and somehow get my eyeball frozen to the metal retainer on the inside of the door–much like a kid’s tongue on a lamp post.”
except, for better or for worse, i’m not really afraid to tell anyone anything for the most part.
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When I drive by rough areas of town I feel afraid that I won’t be able to take care of my family and we will have to move in a mold infested apartment. And two of my ladies are sickly allergic to mold. Great post!
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I think I can add all your secrets onto mine! That last one just made me laugh, but i wouldn’t be laughing if it really happened, right? Great post!! xo
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I completely feel you on the last one. I’ve always been afraid that I might accidentally kill/hurt someone and be sent to jail.
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cat
I’m afraid to tell the person I miss that I miss him, I’m afraid to tell him how much I care about him, but more than anything I’m afraid I will never get the chance to tell him the things I’m afraid to tell him.
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You inspired me to write an entire post!
And I am afraid to admit that if Ryan Gosling stood in line behind me at Jeni’s I am not sure I would know it…
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It’s okay Susan, you wouldn’t miss much :) and I enjoyed reading your post. It’s weird to say you “enjoyed” reading other people’s fears but I think you know what I mean.
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I’m afraid to say how every time I think of something bad happenening, or anytime a see something sad in a film, I worry that it will happen to my partner or someone I love, and then I cry a little bit… then laugh at myself for being such a girl xD
I’m also afraid that my overall life dreams which require winning the lottery or getting a darn good job might not come true… I don’t know how to steele myself for if they dont!
x
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I do that too! If I watch a sad movie or read the news, I tear up and hug Adam tight the next time I see him.
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Beth J
Can I just say that this is the LEAST self-aggrandizing post of its kind when it comes to this little trend? Other bloggers are saying things like, “I sometimes eat chocolate cake” or “I’m really, really, really smart and got accepted to Ivy League schools.” I mean. Who is afraid to admit that?
And I’m usually not afraid to admit anything–that is someone else’s business.
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Ugh. That’s annoying. That’s like when people say their biggest weakness is that they work too hard. Haha.
I’m pretty real with most people but I tend to see a little TOO much “perfectness” in the blog world. The reality is we all struggle with body image, paying bills, relationships and paralyzing fears.
Thanks for the comment!
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Honestly I’ve thought to myself 100x “why doesn’t she freelance full time?” If you took a year off to do it, and somehow it didn’t work, 100% of your readers would still be impressed that you tried. I have the same fear of failure and I HATE it. I know it will be connected to my deepest regrets some day.
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Thanks for the comment, Rachael. I do plan on running my own design studio/freelancing full time. I’m waiting to make the jump until we get pre-approved for a house and buy! But I agree–I would deeply regret it if I didn’t ever try.
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#1, 2, and 3 are pretty spot-on for me.
1. I finally got my husband on board with “no-shower Sundays”. We work out a lot, and I have oily hair, so I can’t get away with no-showers very often. I’m so jealous of people who don’t have to wash their hair every day.
2. I always say that I have a version of an attachment disorder. It’s so easy for me to move on that it scares me. I never really feel like I’ve even gone through a relationship breakup – I’ve always just been like, “ok, it’s over and I don’t care why”. I’m still friends with all of my exes because it was always amicable. To tell you the truth, in a couple of instances, I don’t think we actually even broke up – we just stopped seeing each other. They were all great guys- most of whom I cared about deeply at that time (love is a strong word except in one instance), but when it was over, it was fine.
3. And Ryan Gosling is straight up gross.
I’ve been told (and realize it myself) that I’m kind of unapproachable. I suspect that its related to the attachment thing, and even though I know I’m that way, I don’t know how to change it. It’s not like I’m looking down on people, hoping they won’t talk to me, nor am I very shy – I just don’t know how to be the one to open up first. Once you’re in, I’ll tell you anything – I just have a hard time letting people past the door and it makes me look like a bitch.
I’m terrified that something will happen to someone in my family and I won’t be able to get there in time. Most are only a 3 hour drive away, but my closest sister is a 3 hour flight. Just thinking about something happening to one of them brings tears to my eyes.
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We are planning on starting to work out more so I don’t know if I will be able to pull off the “no showering” in the near future. I’ve started to wear my hair wavy (air drying) which takes off about 15 minutes of getting ready.
It is interesting to see how has the ability to move on easily vs those that hold on to the past. I wouldn’t say that I lack emotion because I cry easily and definitely am able to sympathize with others. It’s very odd. I can completely relate to how you are with your exes. I was always the one that ended it (without much sadness). So odd.
And I’m glad that I’m not alone in the Ryan Gosling thing. I also am told that I’m hard to approach. My natural facial express is a scowl…so that doesn’t help HA.
Thanks for the comment Val–we seem to be a lot alike!
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benji
I’m afraid procrastination will win and all my friends die because of it. Somehow the two are linked.
I’m aslo afraid of heights.